Motherhood is one of those things we romanticize a lot.
You hear, “Being a mother is the greatest joy in the world,” and yes, it can be.
But motherhood is also demanding and exhausting!!!!
We need to be able to say that without people concluding that a woman does not love her children.
You can love your children and still hate certain parts of motherhood.
So this article is not about tired mothers having a bad day, but when the feeling goes deeper than that.
7 Signs You Hate Being a Mom
1. You love being away from your children a little too much
Every time I have to travel without my children, I battle with an immense level of mommy guilt.
It doesn’t even matter that I know they are fine.
My loved ones have to keep reassuring me that the children are okay, they are being properly looked after, and nothing is wrong.
I can literally check the CCTV cameras that cover major parts of the house and see them with my own eyes.
I speak with them every day too.
Yet I still wonder: Do they miss me? Am I a bad mother for being away?
That mommy guilt is real.
But then, as much as I miss my children, I am happy to get some time away from them.
Sometimes, being away gives you room to breathe.
Then you return refreshed and excited to see your children.
That is different from feeling like the only time you are truly happy is when you are away from them.
If every opportunity to leave your children feels like an escape you desperately need, and the thought of going back fills you with dread instead of at least some excitement, you likely hate being a mom.
2. You don’t enjoy many of the things mothers are supposedly meant to enjoy
No matter how much you enjoy motherhood, you are not going to enjoy every single part of it.
There are parts that are sweet, and there are parts that are just work.
For me, I love discussing with my children.
I love hearing about their day at school.
I love asking them random questions just to hear how their little minds work.
I love making new recipes with them.
I laugh heartily at some of the darndest things they say because children are unintentionally hilarious.
I enjoy buying things for them, taking them shopping, and watching them get excited over something small.
I enjoy seeing their personalities develop and noticing the little ways they are becoming their own people.
Those are parts of motherhood I truly enjoy.
But packing school lunches?
Nah.
I’m very happy I have a nanny who handles that. 😂
Prepping children for school every single morning? Not my favorite thing either.
Because enjoying motherhood does not mean enjoying every task that comes with it.
That’s unrealistic.
But when you struggle to think of anything about motherhood that gives you joy, you may dislike motherhood itself.
3. You envy women who don’t have children
It is normal to envy women who don’t have children sometimes.
Motherhood is stressful in ways nobody can explain until you are living it.
Just two weeks ago, I had to stay in the hospital for three nights with my son after he was admitted.
The previous night, I had already taken him to another hospital around midnight.
It was exhausting.
And in moments like that, I won’t lie, you can look at women who don’t have children and envy them.
That kind of envy does not mean you hate being a mother.
Because there are also moments when I do not envy women without children at all.
There are moments when my children say the funniest things, and I laugh until my stomach hurts.
That is the strange thing about motherhood.
It can be stressful and beautiful at the same time.
You can be overwhelmed today and grateful tomorrow.
But if you hate the life motherhood has given you, you’ll constantly envy women who don’t have children.
4. You constantly fantasize about your old life
It is normal to think about the life where you did not have to consider school calendars, feeding, childcare, sickness, homework, and bedtime routines.
There was a time you could just pick up your bag and travel.
Of course, you are going to remember that life sometimes.
Sometimes I think about the freedom I had before motherhood, and I smile.
But the difference is that I do not want to go back to that life.
I may miss parts of it, but I do not want to erase the life I have now just to get it back.
So if you are constantly fantasizing about your old life, not just remembering it fondly but wishing motherhood had never interrupted it, you resent being a mom.
5. You secretly wish you had known what motherhood was really like
I’m glad that these days more women are speaking about the demands of motherhood, because our mothers’ generation did not always do so.
A lot of them simply got on with it.
They carried pregnancies, gave birth, raised children, cooked, cleaned, worked, managed homes, and made it look like this was just what women did.
I wish I had known how demanding this thing could be.
But even with everything I know now, I would still choose this life, with my eyes more open.
But for you, if knowing what motherhood really entails would have led you to decide never to have children at all, maybe you are not cut out to be a mom.
6. You feel like motherhood swallowed your identity
A lot of women feel like motherhood swallowed their identity, even women who enjoy being mothers.
That feeling alone does not mean you hate motherhood because motherhood can easily become the loudest thing about your life.
You can love your children more than life itself and still want to feel like yourself again.
That does not make you selfish.
The concern is when you do not just feel like you lost parts of yourself, but you resent motherhood for taking them.
Wanting to be more than “Mummy” is normal, but feeling like motherhood erased a version of you that you desperately wish you could get back is a sign that you are not enjoying being a mother at all.
7. You resent your partner because parenthood changed your life more than his
Motherhood and fatherhood do not change people’s lives in the same way.
A man becomes a father, yes, but in many homes, the woman’s entire life changes more dramatically.
Her schedule starts revolving around school runs, feeding, appointments, homework, clothes, birthdays, sickness, and a hundred tiny things nobody notices until they are not done.
Meanwhile, her partner may still be able to go to work, make spontaneous plans, sleep through certain things, or move through life with much less planning.
And that can create resentment, but it does not mean you hate being a mom.
Sometimes, the parenting load in your home is unfair.
And if that is the problem, the solution is not to question whether you were meant to be a mother.
It is to have a serious conversation about support and why one parent is carrying way more than the other.
But it becomes something else when you start resenting your partner because he gets to be a parent without experiencing motherhood the way you do.
You look at his life and feel cheated.
Sometimes you even wonder, if I were the father instead of the mother, maybe I would enjoy having children.
This is the point where I tell you to be careful.
Because a tired mother can read a list like this and think, Oh my goodness, I hate being a mom.
The question is: When you remove the stress, are there still parts of motherhood you truly enjoy?
Are there moments when you look at your children and feel lucky to know them?
Do you enjoy watching them grow?
Would you still choose to have your children if you could go back knowing everything you know now?
Because all these make the difference.
Motherhood is hard enough to make you complain about it and still beautiful enough that you would choose it again.
But if the life you imagine without children feels better than the one you have with them, it is more than ordinary motherhood exhaustion.
And even then, admitting it should not be about shaming yourself but about understanding exactly what you hate.
Is it motherhood itself, or are you parenting without enough money or support?
Because sometimes, what a woman hates is not her children or even motherhood.