Every parent wants grateful children.
The kind who say thank you without being reminded and appreciate what they have.
Unfortunately, not every parent has that, and we’ve raised ungrateful children without knowing it.
Sometimes the things we buy are exactly why they are ungrateful.
I’ve learned this the hard way, and I’m still learning.
Here are some of the things I’m learning to stop buying:
If You Want To Raise Grateful Kids, Stop Buying These 7 Things
1. Guilt gifts for when you’ve been busy or away
In this post, I wrote about mom guilt and how I bought my son a toy car he’d been asking for before I traveled.
I told myself it would keep him engaged and help him cope while I was away.
And maybe it did.
But honestly, it was also to ease my guilt.
I’m not saying you should never get your children something when you have to be away.
But if a gift shows up every time Mummy travels or gets busy, they start to see your absence as something you owe them for.
Then the gift stops being a gift and becomes a payment.
And nobody feels grateful for a payment.
What our children want is us. Our time and our full presence when we’re back.
A toy can’t replace that, no matter how shiny it is.
So now, when I know I’ll be busy or away, I try to prepare them for it instead of preparing a gift.
I talk to them about it and tell them when I’ll be back.
Of course, I buy them things on every trip.
That’s not payment; it’s parenting.
2. Treats every time they behave well
I remember promising to take my son for ice cream if he did well during his graduation day presentation.
He did, and I kept my promise.
There was another time he was admitted to the hospital and needed an injection.
I promised him a toy car and a kitchen set if he’d let the nurse give it to him.
I still haven’t been able to get those.
I’m not proud of that, but I’m human.
In both cases, I was trying to help him through something hard.
But rewards like this teach children that you pay for good behavior.
Do well at the presentation, get ice cream.
Be brave at the hospital, get a toy.
Before you know it, every request comes with, “What will you give me?”
A child who always waits for the reward learns negotiation, not gratitude.
I want my children to do well because it’s the right thing, not because there’s a prize at the end.
That doesn’t mean I’ll never celebrate them, but it should feel like a celebration, not a deal.
3. A new toy every time you go out
I love buying things for my children.
I won’t lie about that.
But if every trip out of the house ends with something new in their hands, it becomes the norm, not special.
And when you go out one day and don’t buy anything, then you become the wicked mummy.
A child who gets a new toy every time can’t be grateful for it, because they never had to wait for it.
And when things come too easily, children don’t value them.
Toys get abandoned after two days.
The room fills up, and still they ask for the next one.
So I’m learning to hold back a little because I want them to know the joy of waiting.
That way, when it finally comes, it means something.
4. The latest version of something that still works
As tempting as it was to buy new school bags for my children for their new class, I didn’t.
Their old bags were still in good shape.
So why change them?
Does a new term mean a new everything?
New bags, new shoes, new lunch boxes, and the latest water bottles everyone is carrying.
When we replace things just because something newer has come out, our children learn that “still works” isn’t good enough.
They start to judge what they have by what’s new, not by what’s useful.
And that’s not a lesson you want them to carry into adulthood.
There will always be a newer phone, a newer car, a newer version of something.
If they can’t be content with what still works, they’ll spend their lives chasing the next upgrade.
I’d rather teach them to take care of what they have.
Use it well, and replace it when it’s actually time.
Gratitude doesn’t come from always having the latest thing, but from appreciating the thing you already have.
5. Anything their friends have just because they feel left out
Peer pressure is real, and as a parent, it hurts to see your child feel left out.
You don’t want them to be the only one without it.
But if you buy everything their friends have, what are you teaching them?
Today it’s a toy. Tomorrow it’s a phone.
Later, it’s clothes, cars, and a lifestyle they can’t afford.
When my children tell me their friends have something, I listen.
Sometimes it’s a fair request, and I’ll consider it.
Other times, I tell them that we don’t buy things just because someone else has them.
Our family has its own priorities.
I want them to be secure enough to be different and to enjoy what they have without checking what someone else has.
That kind of confidence will protect them.
6. Expensive things they are not mature enough to maintain
I know social media is wild right now.
Because tell me why a one-year-old is getting a car for their birthday.
A real car.
For a child who can’t even walk properly yet.
Some parents can afford it, and it’s their money, but I always wonder what that child is learning.
When children get expensive things before they’re mature enough to take care of them, they don’t understand their value.
A phone gets dropped and cracked or a tablet is left in the rain, and a parent just buys another one.
So the child grows up thinking expensive things are easy to replace.
If it breaks, Mummy or Daddy will get a new one.
You can’t be grateful for something you never had to take care of.
Give children things that match their age and maturity, like things they can look after.
As they grow and show that they can be responsible, the gifts can grow too.
That way, when they finally get something expensive, they’ll understand what it took to get it.
And they’ll treat it like it matters.
7. Too many presents at once on birthdays and Christmas
I’m a sucker for celebration.
If we don’t celebrate our children, who will?
Birthdays and Christmas are some of my favorite times of the year, and I love seeing my children’s faces light up.
But I’ve noticed that when there are too many presents at once, the excitement doesn’t last.
They tear through one gift, toss it aside, and reach for the next.
By the end, there’s a pile of wrapping paper, a room full of toys, and a child asking, “Is that all?”
Because there’s too much to take in.
Keep it simple.
A few thoughtful gifts instead of a mountain of them.
That way, they notice each one, play with it, enjoy it, and remember who gave it to them.
The celebration doesn’t have to be smaller.
We can still have the cake, decorations, music, and dancing.
Just fewer boxes to open.
None of this means we should stop giving our children good things.
I’ll still buy them gifts, and I’ll still celebrate them every chance I get.
But I want them to know that what they have didn’t just fall from the sky.
Someone worked for it and chose to give it to them.
That’s where gratitude starts.
So, which of these are you going to stop buying?
I hope your children thank you for it someday.