Motherhood will teach you that everybody has an opinion about how you should raise your children.
Everybody.
Even people who don’t have children will confidently tell you what you’re doing wrong.
And sometimes, other mothers are your biggest critics.
I’ve been a mother for eight years, and I’ve learned you cannot raise your children based on public opinion.
I’ve made some parenting choices that might seem unconventional or even irresponsible to others.
And looking back, I’d gladly make them again.
Here are some of them six of them:
6 Parenting Choices People Judged Me For (That I’d Make Again)
1. Not Potty Training My Children Until They Were Ready to Use the Toilet Themselves
Both my children wore diapers until they were over three.
I know some parents start potty training their children at 18 months. Some even start earlier.
Good for them.
But I wasn’t interested in spending my days cleaning up accidents every thirty minutes.
I wanted my children to reach a stage where they could understand what the toilet was for and communicate when they needed to go,
So I waited.
And when they were ready, the transition was much easier.
I’m not saying waiting until three is the best approach for every child.
I’m saying it worked for mine.
Not every milestone has to become a competition.
Your child stopped wearing diapers at 15 months?
Congratulations, sis.
Mine wore theirs until three.
Everybody is using the toilet now.
Hallelujah!
2. Letting My Children Use Screens
I know this one will make some parents clutch their pearls.
But yes, my children watch television and use screens.
And I don’t feel guilty.
I understand the concerns about screen time, especially for very young children.
I also know that excessive screen use can affect important parts of a child’s development.
But I don’t believe that allowing children to use screens makes you a lazy or irresponsible parent.
Sometimes, I need to work or have thirty minutes of peace in my own house.
Is that too much to ask?
That doesn’t mean my children can watch whatever they like or spend the whole day glued to a device.
What they watch, and for how long, matters.
And what they’re missing out on while watching matters.
But I refuse to pretend that screens have no place in modern parenting.
Technology is part of the world our children are growing up in, and I’d rather teach mine how to use it responsibly than treat every screen like the devil himself.
3. Not Putting Unnecessary Academic Pressure on My Children
Even though my children are naturally smart, I don’t put unnecessary academic pressure on them.
I mean, my daughter won the Best Mathematician of the Year award at her last graduation, and both my children got As in every subject.
So, yes, I’m a very proud mummy.
But you know what, if they didn’t have all As, I’d still be proud of them.
Of course, I want my children to do well academically.
Which parent doesn’t?
But I won’t make them feel their worth depends on their report cards.
I don’t want my children to come home with a B and be afraid to show me because they’re worried about my reaction.
Life is already competitive enough.
Why should my children feel like they’re competing for my love, too?
I want them to love learning, not just love getting As.
4. Letting My Children Eat What They Want Instead of Forcing Everyone to Eat the Same Thing
In my house, just because we’re having dinner doesn’t mean everybody must eat the same thing.
I can ask my children, “What do you want for dinner?”
One may want noodles. Another might say, “Fries and ketchup.”
And that’s exactly what they’ll eat, as long as it’s something we have and I’m comfortable with them eating.
I know some parents will read this and conclude that I’m spoiling my children.
After all, in many African homes, you eat what your mother cooks or you drink water and go to bed. 😂
I grew up in a generation where children didn’t always have a say in what was served.
But I’ve chosen to do things differently.
As adults, we have food preferences.
I don’t enjoy some foods, and nobody forces me to eat them.
So why should we do that to children?
5. Letting My Children Know That Mummy Has a Life Outside Motherhood
Today was Cultural Day at my children’s school, and I didn’t attend.
It’s an annual event, and I attended last year, but this year, I decided not to go.
Instead, I sent my PA and nanny to represent me.
Does that make me a bad mother?
I don’t think so.
Because just this Tuesday, I was at the same school for their Teacher for a Day program.
I spent 30 minutes teaching each of my children’s classes, and I even taught them a song.
The song was so beautiful that the whole school eventually learned it!
So, you see, I’m very much involved in my children’s school activities.
But do I have to attend every single event?
Of course, I felt a little pinch of guilt when I decided not to attend Cultural Day.
Because that’s one thing motherhood will do to you.
You can show up for your children 99 times, but that one time you decide to sit something out, your conscience will start asking you questions.
“Are you sure you’re doing enough?”
“Won’t your children feel bad?”
“Other mothers are there. Why aren’t you?”
But I’m learning that I don’t have to be physically present at every single event to be a present mother.
And you know what I did to manage my guilt?
I ordered pizza before my children got home. 😂
And guess what?
They were perfectly fine!
In fact, I’m sure they would have been fine even without the pizza.
Sometimes, we create problems in our heads that our children don’t even know exist.
I’m also learning to enjoy the help I have.
I have people who can step in when I need them to, so why should I feel guilty about allowing them to help?
What’s the point of having support if I still insist on doing everything myself?
6. Not Forcing My Children to Finish All the Food on Their Plates
I once wrote about family traditions that hurt children, and forcing children to finish their meals was one of them.
In fact, I’ve had to tell my children’s teachers not to force them to finish their lunch.
If they’re full, they’re full.
They don’t have to finish everything in their lunchboxes just because I packed it for them.
Our bodies tell us when we’ve had enough.
And when you constantly force a child to keep eating even when they’re full, what exactly are you teaching them?
That it’s okay to keep taking in more when they’ve already had enough?
And for what?
Because we don’t want food to go to waste?
I understand the importance of teaching children not to waste food, especially in a country where many people struggle to afford three square meals.
But there are better ways to teach that lesson.
Serve smaller portions. Let them ask for more if they’re still hungry.
Keep leftovers when it’s safe.
You don’t have to turn your child’s stomach into a dustbin just because you don’t want to throw food away.
No wonder some people can steal billions and still want more.
Okay, maybe I’m stretching the food analogy, but you get my point.
Knowing when you’ve had enough is an important life lesson.
As a mom, I keep learning that I don’t have to parent the way everybody else does.
And neither do you.
This doesn’t mean we should become stubborn and refuse to learn from other parents.
But I’ve also learned that just because something was done a certain way when we were growing up doesn’t mean we have to repeat it.
What matters is that our choices are safe and genuinely in our children’s best interests.